Ghosts that haunt you forever
by Ellyn92
Summary: There are many roads to recovery, but none are easy. Johanna and Peeta know that. How will they cope with what happened to them? And more important, will they be able to forgive their loved ones? Sequel to my first fanfic 'Left Behind'.
1. Guilt

**Chapter 1 – Guilt**

**Johanna's POV**

I'm throwing things at the wall, but not just random stuff. All kinds of things: cotton I ripped of my blanket, flowers petals, my slippers, Katniss' slippers, even my toe nails. Not because I enjoy it, but rather to make very clear I'm utterly bored. However, until now, nobody seemed to get my message. Maybe I should make some noise too, maybe their stupid brains will react to that?

"Hey! I'm a bit bored!" A bit – that's an understatement.

But they keep ignoring me, like they have been doing for most of the time. Is it so hard for them to understand I want to do something besides lying in a bed, being nothing but useless waste of space?I snort and cross my arms. Why was it that I could not get a book with crossword puzzles? Right, because they're afraid I will harm myself with it in some sort of way. Because they're convinced I got a dead wish. But as far as I know, a pencil isn't very lethal. And I certainly can't kill myself with a sheet of paper. When I brought in that argument, they waved it away by saying I might become emotional when they gave me a puzzle. Go figure. I can totally imagine myself breaking down by the sight of some questions such as "Synonym for castle" or "Color of the sky".

"Hello dear doctor, I'm lonely, can you at least send in someone to talk to! I don't think I can get myself killed that way!" I ask in my most kind way of doing.

Guess what, nobody responds. Nice. This is just a good way to treat a person you left behind to rot in some filthy prison cell for over a month. Ignore her and make here die of boredom. Maybe I should talk a bit to my very unconscious roommate? Better not, makes me look haywire I suppose.

I gaze at Katniss' face. She's been in my room since I woke up four days ago. I can not say she makes good company. She sleeps all the time, screaming things and such. I'm not supposed to know why she's here, but I heard that guy – Gale – talking with the doctor last night when they thought I was sleeping. Peeta tried to strangle her. Which I totally understand in some sort of way, and at the same time, I can not understand at all. Peeta has all the right to be angry, because what they did to him - to us - is just far from what you expect you're friends to do. But Peeta doesn't think that way, I mean, the guy loves Katniss. No wait, Katniss is like his life source, the thing that keeps him running. I don't understand. He would never give her up, let alone that he would get rid of her himself.

But Peeta wasn't himself anymore. It dawned on me already when I was still there. But now I'm sure of it. The fact they made him do this to Katniss freaks me out. How cruel can they be, and what are they capable of? I would have never believed that anyone could turn Peeta into someone who forgets he loves Katniss, who would be able to kill her.

It's all that damned Capitol! They did things to me too, things I never assumed to be possible. They managed to break me, harm my in ways I did not know to be possible...

Knock knock.

I look up. Are they kidding me? They're sending someone in? I look around, waiting for someone to shout 'April fools day'. But it's not April, and nobody comes shouting.

"Have you finally realized I'm a bit lonely?" I shout at the door.

The door swings open, and a very bad looking Haymitch walks in. O great, is this the best company they could send me? I sigh, it's at least better than nothing.

"Did they finally found a volunteer to entertain me?" I ask.

Haymitch sits down at my bedside.

"Well my dear, let's say I did voluntary come in. But I'm afraid I won't be much entertaining."

"Nice to hear, so if you're not going to be your joyful, drunken self, what are you doing here?"

"I need someone to talk to."

"And you think I will be the best person to talk to. I'm flattered."

"Actually, you are the only one I can talk to."

Those words confuse me. I bet this place is stuffed with people to talk to. What can he only talk about to me, that he can not speak of with anybody else?

"Well, speak up. I'm listening."

Haymitch stares at his knees, which is weird. Normally he's a self assured person, who has always something to say and makes fun of everybody.

"You see" he says "I can only talk to you, because you're the only one who can help me."

"With what" he makes me curious.

"Feeling less guilty."

Wow, surprise. I mean really, surprise. Haymitch Abernathy feels guilty about something. Go call the newspaper, this is front page news.

"So now I get to play you're personal psychodoctor or what?"

"Sort of" he's still staring at his knees.

"Well, keep talking then. Should I take notes? O no wait, I can't, because I can cut myself with paper sheets and probably bleed to dead or something."

"I knew you would react like this" Haymitch says.

"Oh yeah? Come on - spill what you have to say..."

He sighs and for the first time since he entered the room, he looks me in the eye.

"Do you think you will ever forgive me?"

What? Forgive him? For... leaving me? Abandoning me? For not saving me?

"Maybe, depends on how you define 'forgiveness'."

"That you will understand why we have left you there."

"I doubt it."

Auwch, that's quit harsh, I have to admit. But it's the truth. I can never understand why they did that to us. Haymitch' eyes drop.

"I thought so."

After a moment of silence, he whispers.

"Do you think he will forgive me?"

He... Peeta... Would Peeta do that? The old Peeta would - I think, he would have said 'yes' - because Haymitch did it to save Katniss, and that's all that mattered to him. But he doesn't think that way anymore.

"You should ask him, not me. I don't answer such questions."

"But you were with him, how was he … how did he ..."

"How did he do?" I finish his question.

He nods. I bend over so my face nearly touches his.

"How do you think he did?" I hiss "How did you think we were? Did you take a good look at me? Did you see the scars? Well those are the ones visible on the outside. You know how much scars they left on the inside? Peeta and I went trough terrible things, things you will never be able to understand. Cope with it, we'll never forgive you all for what you've done."

Haymitch blinks, and I see his eyes fill with tears. He gets up and makes an attempt to leave, but I grab his arm. That movement hurts me and I quiver.

"Wait. Don't leave. I am not finished."

Hamitch tries to pull his arm away, but I put in all my strength so he can't let go.

"I will never forgive you and never fully understand, but that does not change the fact that I do want you to keep fighting. I just will never be able to get why you left us for so long. Why you didn't send someone to kill us. So we couldn't tell those men anything that would make you people get into trouble, and so we would not have to suffer any longer... You know what's worse than those tortures? The pain I felt because nobody seemed to care about me anymore. The pain I felt because I betrayed you, because what I told them gave them the opportunity to hurt others. I hope you get that some day. You know, when I woke up, all the doctors seemed to care about is how I looked, about the scars and my bold head. They even wanted to give me a wig, so I would look like my old self again, so I would be pretty. But I'll never be my old self again, and not even the prettiest wig in Panem will be able to fix me. Haymitch, I just want you to know that you do not need to feel guilty, because you had the right to make a choice about what's wrong and what's not. I just want you to know that, tough I know you're choice was to save many others by leaving us, I can never forget the situation you've put me in, because it will haunt me forever. But I want you to know too that I think you should not feel guilty about it – it's not your burden to bear. Because you're not the only one I blame for what happened to me, and because I have faith in you. And in the others. I wanna help, I want to get the Capitol down as much as you do. And I think that the part of Peeta that's till in there, would want that too."

I let Haymitch go. But he doesn't try to leave anymore. He blinks and a tear roles down his cheek.

"Thank you Johanna." He smiles weakly. "But guilt will haunt me forever, like you're personal ghosts are haunting you."

By those words, he leaves the room, leaving me behind once again.


	2. Help

**Chapter 2 – Help**

**Haymitch' POV**

I'm standing in a crowded room and I feel a bit of an intruder. I do not belong here, standing between those men with their white coats, who are writing extremely long reports in their notebooks. But still, no matter how uncomfortable I feel, I will not leave. Not even when one of those doctors asks me to do so for the millionth time. I know I'm in their way, I know I annoy them. But I don't care, as I do not care about anything. Well, about almost anything I should say.

I've already spent days standing here. At the first row, in front of a huge one-way mirror. Staring at the person at the other side of it. The kid I, Haymitch Abernathy, promised to protect. The kid that I let down. I do realize that by looking at him, he won't be getting any better, but I feel like this is what I'm supposed to do. Watch over him, all the time. I will not - no - I will never, accept that he's a lost cause, like the doctors say he is. He can be fixed! Must be... Those doctors aren't just trying hard enough. I can't accept that nothing is left in him.

"Mr. Abernathy will you please..."

"No"

"But sir you're..."

"No"

"You're in the way..."

"Are you deaf?"

"No sir but..."

"Than leave me be."

"I..."

"NO"

Gosh, stupid doctor people, what are they even doing here? Why are there so many of them? Do you really need twenty people to figure out what's wrong with him? I, who has no fucking sense of all this whatever-doctors-do-stuff, can make up what's wrong with the kid. So maybe _they_ should leave if they need more room. Because I ain't going anywhere, and when I leave, it will only be for a very short time – I'll always come back. If necessary, I'll spend the rest of my life standing in front of that damned mirror.

"Everybody get out, observation is over" someone announces. Thank god, they are leaving – about time. Someone comes standing on my left side.

"And you?" the person asks quietly. I turn my head towards the man. It's dr. Aurelius.

"You know nothing can move me. I'll only leave when I decide to do so myself." I look away again.

"So you're still thinking your presence will make a difference."

"I feel better by being here than by pretending I do not care."

Dr. Aurelius laughs. "Oh do you? Well I'll tell you something. Standing here isn't going to help anybody, not even yourself. It's only pathetic."

I feel like I'm slowly getting angry. Pathetic he says?

But his little speech isn't over yet.

"As a matter of fact, I don't think you care a lot about these kids, the way you let them be. Katniss is lying in a coma, Johanna Mason will probably die due to a combination of boredom and nightmares and Peeta here, that kid is just far away."

Ok, this is it, I had enough. I grab Aurelius by his collar and push him against the mirror, which makes a trilling sound. "You think I do not care?" I poke him in the chest "You really believe your own words mate?"

The doctor smiles "No I do not, but I just wanted to make sure."

I still hold him, bit I loosen my grip. "Make sure about …?" I ask.

"Make sure you're determined enough to help me."

"What?"

"'Help', does that word even belong to your vocabulary?"

"Yes, but why do you need help? You have a billion assistants walking around! Why should I be a better help than they are?" I let the doc go. He straightens his back and looks at me.

"I thought you would know that... You know him" he nods at Peeta, "You know Katniss. And Johanna. You can help them in their own personal struggles."

"How?"

"By answering my questions and doing exactly as I say."

"I'm not the kind of person that likes to be told what to do."

"And I'm not the kind of doctor that will let you languish while you're looking at the people you love without doing something. It'll drive you insane, and I do not think I can handle one more patient."

OK, I have to admit, he has a point. Maybe I should help – this men seems to truly believe that I can make up my mistakes.

"Alright then, tell me what to do... But don't make fun of me! I wanna help."


	3. Morphling and water

**Chapter 3 – Morphling and Water**

**Johanna's POV**

Urgh. Why is life so cruel?

I want to scream out of pain, but I try very hard not to. I bite on my lip, but it starts bleeding almost instantly. I can't take it any longer! Grmbl, those doctors are really making it hard for me to like them. After my mandatory week of boredom, they came up with an even better idea this morning. They walked in with such a big smile, that I immediately knew something was coming. And I was so right!

"Dear miss Mason, we come to tell you we gonna stop you're medication. The risk of getting addicted to it is to high. No more morphling for you."

Great, just great. No, wonderful. I was so delighted with the news that I started a one-woman protest! I asked them why they have actually taken the effort to save me, when all they can do is torture me a bit more by boring the hell out of me and now even take away my painkillers. All they managed to say was that they saved me because of Katniss. I had a pretty good laugh with that one. Katniss, pfft, she's lucky with us being here. So lucky she's been comatose for over a week. When I told them that, they started a long preach about her caring for me a lot and blablabla. Result of everything: one hour of complete useless talk and no morphling for Johanna. Hurray...

So now I'm trying to figure out what to do with this sticky situation. I can not go on like this. I need help, but who will help me? Nobody came to see me here, and I have only comatose-Katniss as company. But...

Haymitch! He might come again, maybe he can help. How do I get him here? By acting as a crybaby? Or should I just ask for him. Sigh.

"What would you do huh?" I suddenly ask Katniss. Just fine, I'm talking to unconscious people. But as she is the only one around who will listen, I start complaining about everything to her. I keep talking for minutes and minutes. Maybe I'm going nuts.

"... can't you help me Katniss? Please? You owe me. I kept my mouth shut for you and your friends, for over 6 weeks! You should give me some painkillers if you could, shouldn't you?

She lies still, her face motionless. And I ask myself if she would really help me if she had the chance.

Wait a minute! How could I not see. Katniss will be my lifesaver! She can help me. I look at her and yes, out of her left arm is sticking a tube. A morphling tube! If I can only get to her...

I try to get up, but it's not as easy as I expected. I feel like an old woman, because it takes me a whole minute just to sit up. I can barely move my feet, so I pick up my leg with my hands and move it so I can sit at the bedside.

I'm nearly there, all I have to do is just stand up and take two steps to reach her bed. Only two steps. I slowly lower my feet until my toes touch the cold hospital floor. Moving hurts a lot, but I do not think about the pain. It will all be over soon. I push myself up so I come to stand at my own to feet. I waver for a second. So far so good. 'Keep it up' I tell myself. Very careful I lift my foot, ready to take a step and... I fall. I hit the floor with a loud 'bang'.

Oh no, oh no no no no!

I tried to grab something, so I would stay standing, but accidentally hit the bottle of water at Katniss' bedside table. Now it's laying beside me, scattered. The water is spreading on the ground and nearly touches my fingers. No, no no no. Don't please! I tell myself to keep calm but it does not work. I panic, but I can not call for help. If I do so, I have to explain how I ended up here. That will mean my only chance to get more morphling will be gone. The water keeps coming, and I desperately try to crawl back. Don't let it touch me, oh please.

I keep crawling, but I'm very slow. I make it till I'm under the bed, where the water can not reach me anymore. But it's so dark and cold. That's not good. It reminds me of …

"What's happening here?"

Someone must have heard me. The light goes on.

"Help" I whisper hoarsly. I notice I'm crying. "Help!"

I see somebody walk around my bed. I close my eyes. Two warm hands grab me and pull me from under the bed. They lift me up and lay me, gently, on a very dry blanket.

"Sssst. It's alright" it's a man's voice. I know it, I know who it is. I open my eyes.

"Haymitch..."

"What where you doing down there?"

"Shelter" I whisper. I start to hiccup, tears stream down my face. They to are wet, like the water. But they will not hurt me.

"Ssst" Haymitch pulls me closer, into a hug.

"I..." I sniff "Pain..."

"I know" Haymitch grabs my arms and looks at me "You were trying to steal from her?" he nods at Katniss. I nod, and as I do, tears fall on my lap.

"I see... I can help... Can you walk?"

I shake my had and point at the water.

"Oh" he walks over to Katniss and pulls the tube out of her arm and hands it over to me.

"Thank you" my voice is fading. The moment I feel the morphling enter my bloodstream, I relax a bit. It will be over... Haymitch sits down next to me and pats me on the back.

"I think it's enough now, they'll notice otherwise."

"Uhu" I slowly hand the morphling over to him and he puts it back where it belonged.

"You'll be alright sweetheart" he asks.

"I... Yes."

"I'll leave you then."

"Will you tell them?"

Haymitch winks at me. "It's our secret."

"Promised?"

"Of course."


	4. A walk down the hallway

**Chapter 4 – A walk down the hallway**

**Haymitch' POV**

I walk down the halway, feeling troubled. Am I doing the right thing? Am I helping them this way? Sigh.

I halt in front of a door and knock. Dr. Aurelius opens it and greets me with a smile.

"Why do I have the honor of this late hour visit?"

"You told me I should gain Johanna Masons trust."

"Yes I did. And?"

"I think it worked."

Aurelius' smile becomes even wider. "That's a good thing. How did you get there so fast?"

"I... I promised not to tell. She asked me to."

"And I will not make you break that promise."

"Well that's all there is to say for now. Goodnight."

"Oh" Aurelius seems surprised that I'm already leaving "Goodnight."

I walk away, heading to my compartment.

I keep wandering the dark corridors, not really paying attention to were I'm heading, or to how long I'm even walking around. I'm to busy putting things together, making up my mind. As I continue my late night stroll, a feeling of fear slowly wakes inside me. I don't like being around here, locked up underneath the dirt and ashes of the fallen District 13. Because the lack of sunshine and nature in here, it makes me feel like I have died in some sort of way. And besides that, this place feels like it's haunted, like those many walls and doors are hiding things nobody would like to encounter. It's like this place is full of invisible forces that are haunting me, following my every step.

I suddenly hold still. I'm pretty sure I heard something, coming from behind me. Footsteps. I turn around, but I see no one.

"Hello?"

My voice echoes. I get no answer. I'm alone. As I want to get moving, I hear them once more. Footsteps, heavy footsteps. I narrow my eyes and look around, but I can't see who is approaching me.

"Hello?" I yell once more. Maybe some light can be of use at this moment. I reach for my pocket and grab my lighter, but it slips trough my fingers. I hear it clattering on the ground. In the meantime, the sound of footsteps is getting louder. Like there isn't just one person coming, but a lot of them.

"Is anybody there?"

I kneel down and starts to look for my lighter. I have to admit I'm feeling a bit scared at the moment. I start to crawl, while searching the lighter, when I feel someone stepping on my hand. I look up but see... no one. My breath is slowing down as a weird feeling crawls up to my throat. I keep searching, finally get hold of the lighter and I click it.

The hallway is deserted. I'm just going crazy... I shake my head and convince myself there is nothing going on, when I feel someone's breathing in my neck. I smell blood. I turn around and look into a pair of deep blue eyes. Eyes filled with pain, sadness, anger and fear. I stumble backwards and notice there's not just one person standing behind me. There are lots of them. Persons I once knew, who's faces have been engraved in my memory for over all those years.

I see my ten year old brother, covered in blood, standing hand in hand with my late girlfriend, who's reaching her hand out to me. When I try to touch her fingers, she pulls them away and looks at me as if I'm the most hideous person she's ever met. Behind the pair of them, stands my mother. Her face is covered in dust, and a bloody tear is streaming down her cheek. Maysilee Donner is patting her on the back, while giving me an anxious look. Next to them, there are standing countless others. People I once cared about so much, people that I met in the arena, family and friends, and also tributes, the ones I could not mentor, the ones I could not bring back home. And in the front of all this people... I sink down to my knees. In the front stand Peeta, Johanna and Annie. Pale as a corpse, covered in scars, looking down at me with their hollow eyes. Annie starts mumbling things, things I do not understand. But that's not what frightens me. It are the blue and the brown eyes that are staring at me. Those eyes are the ones I've only recently came to fear.

"I'm sorry" I stutter.

"Sorry wont do for us!" Peeta's voice has a metalic sound in it. He slowly starts walking, Johanna by his side. They grin viciously.

"Nooo..." I beg "do not..."

"Leave you here?" Johanna looks around, smirking, while indicating the others.

"We won't. We're not like you."

"No" Peeta hisses. He kneels in front of me and my eyes meet his. "You know Haymitch, we'll never leave you. We'll be you're personal ghosts. We'll keep you company. Forever."


	5. Eternal company

**Chapter 5 – Eternal company**

**Haymitch' POV**

I wake up screaming, bathing in my own sweat. Someone is calling out my name, but he sounds miles away. It was just a dream, I tell myself, just a dream.

"Haymitch."

The voice sounds like someone has turned the radio on, but the reception is really bad. I gasp, and close my eyes, but when I do that, I can see them again. Their faces.

"Haymitch" someone starts to jolt me. "Come to sense man! HAYMITCH."

The sound is getting clearer. I look up.

"Aurelius" I groan.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Experiment"

"Well it seems it didn't go very well."

"It did."

"You should not mess around with tracker jacker venom, you fool."

"I had to know."

"What?"

"How it's like... for him."

Aurelius sighs deeply. "You wont help the kid by going trough the same misery as he did. Why don't you go talk to him?"

"I don't think I'm ready to do it."

"One day you have to be. Or are you going to let him down once again?"

"NO" that remark really hurts me. I look angry at the doctor.

"Well until you are ready for it, you can go and take my sessions with Johanna. Talk to her, and I'll talk to Peeta."

I nod. I realize I'm lying on the floor of my compartment. "Did I..." I hesitate. It's a strange question to ask.

"Aurelius, did I come over to your place last night?"

"Yes"

"I told you about Johanna?"

"Yes... why do you ask?"

"I wasn't sure..." This is so frightening. Even that little bit of venom I took was enough to make me doubt about what was real and what wasn't. To Peeta, they gave a hundred times more venom. Or maybe a thousand times… I can't think about it, it seems to cruel for words.

"I let you be, get your mind clear. You are going to talk to Mason, alright?"

I nod.

Aurelius looks at me in pity. "I have something for you" he says. He bends over and picks up his bag. He opens it and reveals a big bottle of alcohol. "I hope it'll help you." He throws it at me, and I catch it with the tips of my fingers.

"Bye Haymitch and … put some other clothes on will you?"

And the doc leaves me alone. Or not. My personal ghosts will always be there to keep me company.


	6. Hate

**Chapter 6 – Hate**

**Peeta's POV**

Where am I? Why am I here? And more important, who am I?

Those questions are some of the many that are troubling me. But I can not answer them. I have no clue about what the answers might be. I don't know anything anymore, as if my mind has been wiped clean. Erased...

I only know one thing for certain. Whatever it is that's happening to me, it has something to do with hèr.

Katniss Everdeen

The girl on fire, the girl who must have ruined my life. I hate her, I disgust her, when I see her face, I want to tore her to pieces. I want to get rid of her, get her out of my life. She's an awful being. I know, because everything I can remember, has something to do with her. And as all of my memories are horrible, she must be horrible too.

She's the cause of everyone's misery.

I told the people around here they should make sure she vanishes, because she is the incarnation of pure evil. Because I wanna spare them of what she can do. I'm the living proof of the cruelties she is capable of.

They won't listen to me. But nobody seems so care about what I think. In fact, nobody seems to care about me at all.

As if I mind it … If they do not want to listen to my warnings, if they are not willing to kill the evil that's walking the corridors of this building, I'll do it myself. Sadly, my first attempt backfired. I could have strangled her, if they'd let me. But instead, they've knocked me out, tied me up on the bed and did not release me ever since. I feel like a prisoner. A sick prisoner, being tortured by the pain that stretches trough my entire body, but a prisoner nevertheless. From time to time they send in a person who calls himself a doctor. But I do not like doctors, I have no good experiences with them. This one isn't any better than the others. All he does is talk about how the things I believe are not true, about how Katniss cares about me. Ugh, the idea. Someone like that loves me? No way on earth I ever going to return that love to her. I told the doc about that, about how I hate her. Last time, I must have made it very clear, because the guy didn't show up ever since. But not that they left me alone. After three days of isolation, they send me new company – a girl called Delly. She told me I knew her, but I don't. I'm sure I do not know someone like that. She seemed far to nice, and I only remember my life as being horrible. If I really knew a happy person like Delly once, I should have remembered her the moment I saw her. But I did not. Anyway, I tried to warn her tot, about Katniss, about that gruesome mut who will destroy her life soon enough. And because of that, she left. All people leave me as I talk about Katniss.

Everyone abandons me as soon as I talk about the only thing I can talk about, about the only thing I know. I'm alone once again, left with nothing to care about but my fading memories.


	7. Family

**Chapter 7 – Family**

**Peeta's POV**

Knock knock.

I'm surprised. I've got visitors. For the first time in four days. They come in before I can even answer their knocking. Two robust man, carrying a large box. They put it at the table at the end of my hospital bed. When they do, they avoid making eye contact with me. Why should they do that? Are they afraid of me? Or do they think I'm mental, like the other who do not believe my warnings about Katniss? I ask them, but they do not seem to hear me.

The man open the box and reveal what's inside it. A television.

"You think you're doing me a favor by letting me watch a movie or something?"

They do not respond and start to install the television, plugging in wires and stuff.

"Hello, I'm talking to you two?"

Ok ignore me, fine, I'm used to it by now. I wait for them to give me the remote control, so I can put the thing on. But they do it for me instead, perhaps because I'm still tied up.

"Thanks but - can I choose the channel?"

Without saying a word, the men leave. Fine. I'll watch their what they want me to. I look at the screen. It's black. A mans voice is speaking in voice-over.

"Peeta. You might not remember who I am, but this is Haymitch speaking" Hah, Peeta, that's my name, I know that, but Haymitch... Nah never heard of the guy. The voice keeps talking. "This video we're going to show you is made specially for you. "

Wow – I'm flattered.

"It will tell you about things you should know about yourself and about euhm … other things. I hope it will brighten things up a little bit."

Well, that makes two of us. The screen goes from black to a image of five persons standing in front of a bakery. One of them is an angry looking woman, who's standing next to a humble looking man. In front of them are standing three boys, arms around each other. I recognize one of them. Me – standing in the middle. My eyes widen. I can't be on a picture with people I do not know? Or can I?

"Hey" I shout "put this thing of, it ain't funny!"

The screen changes to another picture. I see a town, full of old houses. The streets look sad, and it appears to be raining. I have never been there. No idea were it could be. The screen changes again, and I see a bunch of mineworkers smiling at me. They look so happy I feel jealous. I wish I was one of them. Happy, untroubled, surrounded by friends. The screen changes once more. The picture of the me and the other people shows up once more.

"Hey your stupid movie is broken! I've already seen this!"

I'm getting sick of it. They want to mess with me? Well I wont let them. I close my eyes and try shut out the pictures showing up at the television screen. But I can't, I can still see them in my mind. Argh! Those people... Who could they be? Those boys, they kind of hugged me. Did they like me? Did we know each other well?

Suddenly I remember something Delly said.

_Where's my family?_

"_They're gone Peeta, District 12 is gone."_

Family... Could they be? I open my eyes and wait for the picture to show up again. This time, I study it very closely. Yes … They might be. They look like me. The boys standing next to me both have blond hair. The woman has the same eye color as I have. This can't be a coincidence. I try to lift up my hand in a moment of confusion, but I only feel pain. I'm still chained...

I want to get closer to the screen, study those people even more. But I can't. I close my eyes again and try to think.

My family. Yes they are my family! But Delly said … they're gone. Gone, just like my memories about them have gone.

Have they died with them?

Sadness hits me like a bullet. I don't know were that came from. Although I have no memories , I still seem to care about them, deep inside. But how? I somehow know they're real, that they really existed. But I can not remember! There are so many things I can't remember... Maybe I forgot about other people too, about other people I cared about. Just like I forgot about my family.

I wanna know more, I wanna find out more about my life. I can not forget important things like this. I have to remember!

"Do you people have some other tapes like this one?"


	8. A strange conversation

**Chapter 8 – A strange conversation**

**Prim's POV**

As I enter Katniss' hospital room, I bump into Haymitch.

"Hey sweety" he gives me a nudgie, so my hair gets real messy. I smile and as I try to pull my ponytail back in shape I ask: "Came to check up on Katniss?"

"Yes and no" he answers.

I raise my eyebrows. "Oh?"

"I came to have a chat with Johanna. She doesn't get many visits and we don't want her to get lonely , do we?" He grins and adds in a whisper: "She might become grumpy you see." I giggle and he winks at me.

"Didn't Annie and Finnick came to say hello?" I ask.

"Don't think so, otherwise Johanna would have mentioned it." Haymitch frowns. "Why do you ask?"

"I thought I heard them talk 'bout it, about visiting I mean. Must been mistaken..." I answer, although I doubt the truth of my own words. "Maybe I should ask them later."

" 'key kiddo." Haymitch expression goes from happy to troubled "gotta go now, see ya later!"

"Sure" I watch as he walks away and wait until he is around the corner before I enter the room.

Katniss is still lying in the same position as yesterday. Disappointed, I shake my head.

"Hay Prim"

Johanna Mason is sitting up in her bed, leaning against a bunch of pillows. She's drawing, using a pencil I see those doctors who are observing Peeta use.

"Came to see zombie queen?" She indicates Katniss with the pencil.

"It's not funny" I say, but my lips can not seal my giggle. I walk over to my sister and wave my hand before her eyes.

"Joehoe Katniss"

"I already tried that, it's not working" Johanna says "Maybe you should slap her a few times" she adds grimly.

"Johanna!"

"Kiddin"

I sigh "I so hate the guy that did this to her."

"What? Peeta?" Johanna looks confused.

"No silly, he didn't do this!"

"But I heard the guy, Gale, mention it to someone. Peeta tried to strangle her, didn't he?"

Oh, I see. "That's a while ago, but she already recovered from that one. Fysically I mean."

Johanna gives me a doubtful look. "What's she here for then?"

"Been shot."

"Auch. When?"

"While shooting a promo. Nothing very bad tough. Didn't hit vital parts, but we had to get her spleen out. Didn't matter ..." I pause. Johanna's face had turner pale when I dropped the word 'spleen'. "What's wrong?"

Johanna shakes her head. "Nothing" she drops her eyes "nothing you wanna know."

She doesn't want to tell, and I decide not to ask for more. She will only avoid further questions. I know, because that's Katniss' way of doing. I will never say it out loud, but Katniss and Johanna seem to have a lot in common when it comes to their behavior.

"Oh alright. Anyway, I gotta run, have lots of thing to do. Enjoy the drawing! See ya."

Johanna snorts and puts her hand up, as a goodbye.

As I'm walking away from the hospital wing, something keeps me busy. Johanna. She seems so confused … They must not have told her much about what's going on. Was it so hard for them to keep her up to date about the recent events? Another thing – why doesn't she get any visit? I'm sure Finnick and Annie would have stopped by already, but for some reason they did not. And the way Johanna reacted when I talked about Katniss' accident – strange. I decide I should tell someone about this. This whole situation stinks. So I halt at Haymitch' door and knock.

"Couldn't miss me kid?" he gives me a big smile. People often do that when they see me; even Katniss. But I doubt Katniss will ever be able to smile like Haymitch can.

"Can I come in?"

" 'course!" He steps aside so I can enter. I let my gaze go around the room. This place is a mess, but I don't bring it up. It's not what I'm here for.

"What's up?" Haymitch glares at me expectantly.

"Something about Johanna."

He sighs. "What did she say?"

"It's not only about what she said, but about the way she is acting."

Haymitch sits down and indicates I should follow his lead. He looks at me in a gentle way, like you do when you're telling a toddler about how he should behave in front of adults.

"See Prim, Johanna Mason was never very kind of heart, I mean never since she won the Hunger Games and ..."

"No no, not like that" I interrupt. Haymitch gives me a strange look. "Ah?" He leans back and crosses his arms. "So what about her?"

"Why doesn't she know a thing about what is going on? She seems completely clueless... She has the right to know, hasn't she! She didn't even know the reason of Katniss' hospitalization. And -"

"Prim, I ..."

"No wait, let me finish! She does not get any visit, but I know there are people who really wanna see her. And when I was talking to her, I made a remark about Katniss' spleen and she started to act really weird after that. She didn't want to tell me why when I asked for it. Don't you think that's strange?" I look at him. His facial expression is a mixture of emotions, but I can see doubt is getting the upper hand. It takes a while before he speaks again, and as he does, his voice sounds soft en gentle: "Honestly Prim, you are the first one to tell me something about this. I have many ideas about what is going on with Johanna, but none of which I'm sure. I think I need to talk to somebody before I can give you answers to your questions. And maybe there is more than one person I need to talk to."

I didn't expect to get this for an answer. So he is as surprised about this as I am?

Haymitch stands up and walks to the door. He opens it, indicating that it is time for me to leave. That's harsh!

"Sorry Prim" he says when he sees my face "but you got to go. I'm glad you came to me with your problem. As soon as I find out more, I'll tell you. Promise me you will not talk about this with anyone else but me."

I nod and when I step into the corridor, Haymitch suddenly pulls me in a tight hug.

"And certainly not to Coin" he whispers in my ear.

Then, he lets go, and slams the door in my face. Leaving me alone. Starled


	9. Looking for the truth

**Chapter 9 – Looking for the truth**

**Haymitch' POV**

Maybe I shouldn't have slammed the door into the kids face, but it's to late to apologize. Anyway, I had to, because I must go over to action right now. And the less Prim knows, the better. For her. What she just came to tell me is the latest addition to a set of strange rumors that have been popping up all around this place. They're feeding my already growing suspicion about someone. Because all of those rumors, indirectly or not, lead to the very same person. Coin.

I didn't like a thing about that old one from the very beginning. She's just not my type, but I wanted to accept her. I have to admit she does have it in her to be a leader, but that doesn't mean I have to like her, does it? So I decides to tolerate her. Only, I'm not even sure about her skills as a leader any longer.

I sigh and put all my thought together. I stand up and set out to find some people that can help me finding answers to these recent events.

After half an hour of searching, I finally track down Finnick Odair, sitting in the dining room. I walk up to him and let myself slip into the chair on his left.

"Hello" he says, but he sounds absent.

"How are you doing?" I ask, but I do not wait for the answer. "I have something to show you." I give the guy a meaningful look and he seems to get what I'm up to.

"Oh, I'm not busy at the moment ..."

I smile "Great"

On our way to my room, I spot Aurelius standing in a nearby corridor, while he's checking his notes. As I walk by, I grab his arm and whisper I his ear: "You and I need a heart to heart. Ten minutes, my room." I let go and continue walking, a bewildered Finnick tagging along.

Finally back in my room, Finnick and I sit down on my bed, as there is no sofa.

"So whats your urgency?" Finnick looks at me.

I sigh. "Something in this place is totally wrong Finnick, and I don't like anything about it."

"Tell me about it..."

"You noticed to?"

"I am not dumb."

I feel relieved, having someone around who seems to be as suspicious as I am, is a good thing.

"What is troubling you anyway?" Finnick demands.

"Why haven't you visited Johanna? And Annie, why didn't she stop by. I think you own her."

Finnick defensively puts his hands in the air: "Don't blame me! That's what's bothering me too you see. I can not enter the hospital wing. People always lead me away from it. I act dumb, as if I do not notice what they're doing. But well..." He gives me a doubtful look. "You already knew about this, didn't you?"

Before I can answer his question, someone knocks on the door. I open, and see a worried Aurelius standing in the doorway. "What's-" But before he can say some more, I quickly pull him in.

"Hey, watch it" he snarls at me.

"Sorry doc, but I don't want us to be seen together right now."

"What the hell is he doing here?" Finnick nods at the doctor.

"I'll explain to you soon enough, but first..." I turn to Aurelius "...some quick questions for you."

The doc looks at me in surprise. "What?"

"Why aren't people allowed to visit Johanna Mason?"

"Don't know what you are talking about."

"Next question – what makes her so afraid of spleens?"

"She, huh? What?"

"Never mind, last one. Can I look into Johanna's, Peeta's and Annie's medical files?"

"There are no files on them."

"I beg you pardon?" Finnick interupts. "You tell me there are about a million shrinks in this place, but none of them has taken the effort of writing a medical file?"

"No"

"Your joking?"

"No"

"Aurelius" I ask politely "are you one hundred percent sure there do not exists files, on any of them? Not even some that are not supposed to meet the eye?"

The doctor looks bewildered. "What are you implying?"

"I think someone is putting great effort in hiding things from us."

"Who?"

"Take a guess."

Silence. Finnick and Aurelius look at me, and I see it's dawning on them. It's the doctor who speaks first: "You mean, the leaders?"

"Indeed. Coin is in charge of everthing in hear, schedules, paperwork, everything. So Johanna's loneliness, the missing medical files on out friends... I think Coin has something to do with it."

"That ought to make sense..." Aurelius admits.

"Noticed it to, that she is a bit of a mysterious person?"

"Uhu... About those euhm files, I … No..."

Finnick looks from me to the doctor and back. "Well? What about those files Aurelius?"

"I... Alrigth you didn't hear this from me. But in the hospital wing there is one room where even I can not come. It's always locked, but yesterday, I saw Coin enter."

"So?"

"Maybe she's hiding something up there?"

"Maybe" Finnick says slowly.

"Where is this room?" I ask "I want to take a look at it."

"That might be a problem..."

"Oh?"

"It's next to Peeta's room?"

"And what's the problem?"

"You have to walk trough Peeta's room to get to the door."

Shit, that might be a problem. It's always crowded with people around there, watching from behind that mirror. Coin made sure her secret room is guarded 24/7. And if we wanna check that door, we must better not be seen. You never know.

"But you are in charge of Peeta's doctors, aren't you?" Finnick asks "So can't you help us get into Peeta's room?"

"I don't know..."

"We'll figure something out, I wanna know to. If they're hiding things on them... On Annie... I wanna know alright?"

"Uhu"

"So I'm going trough that door and your gonna help me!"

I get a warm feeling by seeing how determined Finnick is. This sudden determination shows how much he cares about his friends, and above all, about Annie.

"We'll get trough that door, the three of us. It's time we find out what the hell Coin is trying to hide from the world." I draw a piece of paper out of my drawer and sit down on. And together with Finnick and Aurelius, I start making a plan.

**So I've returned after a while. Sorry for the late update, but I've been very busy lately. I hope this chapter is any good. Please R&R !**


	10. Secrets

**Chapter 10 – Secrets**

**Finnick's POV**

Which person would be so crazy to break into a room right under the nose of the future leader of our Panem?

I am.

So why exactly am I doing this again? Because of Annie, because of my friends. If not for them, I would have never agreed to Haymitch' crazy plan. When I think about what we are going to do, I get a little nervous. I sure hope this will work out, and that we will not get caught. If so, we are as good as done for. 'Stick to the plan and it will be fine' I tell myself. The plan... It's actually pretty easy. Aurelius will make sure no doctor other than him will be around in the hospital from the entire night. That will give me and Haymitch the opportunity to sneak into Peeta's hospital room. Haymitch will serve as distraction for Peeta, and I must open the door. Why me? Because I am an expert when it comes to locked doors. Locked doors usually contain secrets, and secrets are things I'm deeply interested in. I have a never ending need to unravel them.

I sigh and plunge my face into the bowl with bright, cold water standing in front of me. As my head is submerged in the water, I give myself a mental lecture. I gotta keep it together, and act normal. I can not let my fear get the better of me!

I grab a towel and dry my face. I let out a deep sigh and take a look at the clock. 23h57 – still too early. Haymitch and I will meet at 00h30 – and the hospital is only a ten minute walk. But I'm to nervous to stay in any longer, and I can as well set out now. Besides, I have no idea about who's still up, walking around the building. I might have to take some detours, if I wanna make sure nobody sees me. So I leave my room behind and set out, into the underground corridors of District 13. The whole building is covered in a looming darkness, which gives me goosebumps. As I run pass doors and deserted corridors, I wonder what they are hiding. I'm tempted several times to sneak into some places, but I don't, because that's not what I'm supposed to do at this moment. And before I even know it, I reach the hospital wing.

I'm too early, much too early. I never thought my trip would be this easy, and that kind of frightens me. Maybe I couldn't see anyone on my way here, but does that mean there ain't anybody there? I shake the idea away, and lean against a wall. I'll just have to wait. When I finally manage to reassure myself nothing is watching me, I hear a silent whisper. I look around first, expecting someone to be coming my way, before realizing the whispering is coming from the door I'm facing. Curious, I put my ear against it.

"... nobody must know. I do not want those two to talk to each other..." I can hear a woman's voice say. A voice that I would recognize at all times. Coin's.

I rapidly back away from the door. Coin is the person on top of my list of people I didn't want to run into this night. I must hide, but where? It's not an easy task if your standing in the middle of a corridor, with nothing around but a lot of doors, leading to unknown places. Not to mention most of them are probably locked. For now, I think the nightly darkness is the only thing that can hide me. I run away from the door, trying to make as less noise as possible, until I hear a creaking sound. My heart nearly skips a beat and I hold my breath. On other occasions, I might think of this situation as funny. Me, Finnick Odair, sex-symbol, winner of the 65th Hunger Games, mass murderer, is running from an old woman like Coin. I almost laugh at the thought.

I wait and listen as I hear the sound of dying footsteps, and although I can't hear anything anymore, I don't move for another 5 minutes. When I finally unfreeze, I turn around and see something approaching. A light. As I want to make my way to another hiding place, I hear someone saying my name.

"Finnick?" I relax. It's Haymitch, who's holding a flashlight.

"Over here!" I whisper.

As he comes closer, I can hear him breathing heavily. Maybe he is as nervous as I am.

"What are you doing down here?" he ask when he reaches me.

"Hiding, I'll explain later."

Haymitch nods and indicates we should move on. Together, we walk in silence until we reach Peeta's hospital room. I lay my hand on the handle, but before I open the door, I look at Haymitch.

"Can you handle it?" I ask.

"Let's hope so..." his voice is filled with doubt. I reassuringly pat him on the shoulder, and open the door. It's even darker in this place.

"Should we turn on the lights?" I whisper.

"No, we might wake – you know."

"Oh but I am not sleeping" a husky voice replies and I nearly jump with fright. It's not Peeta's voice. It's a woman's voice. Unfortunately for us, no woman is supposed to be here.

**Hey everyone, so here is yet another chapter. I hope you like the story so far. Thanks for reading, and to NatalieRose x - thank you for reviewing, I really needed it! Because I kind of lost interest in the story, as I believed no one was reading it. **

**So enjoy reading and please leave your comments on the story, even if they're negative - so I can improve my fanfics! **


	11. Behind the iron door

I take a deep breath. 'It's over' I tell myself 'we are caught'. On my left, I feel Haymitch move impatiently, like he is trying to decide whether to run away or stay. But it's no use, we are in trouble anyway. So why run? I decide it is best to face our problem right away, maybe we can talk ourselves out of it.

I flip the light switch so I can take a look a whoever is waiting for us. On a chair besides Peeta's hospital bed is sitting a slender woman – her legs crossed, her face stern, her eyes filled with a mixture of rage and fear. I sigh relieved.

"Johanna! Thank god it's you!" I give her a smile, which she does not return. She just keeps staring at me. I take a closer look at her, and notice her knees are bruised and she's entirely covered with scars and burns. She looks like she lost more weight than her body could handle. A feeling of pity strikes me; together with a feeling of intense guilt. Because if I had tried harder, back in that arena, to save her, Johanna's eyes would never look at me the way they are doing now.

"What are you doing here?" I asks her.

"I guess I just grew to tired of being on my own, and so is he" she nods at Peeta, and I notice that his eyes are open. He is looking at us, and slowly gets up, while narrowing his eyes slightly. It's like he is trying to figure out who we are.

"I have a better question for the both of you anyway. What are you _doing_ here?" The sound of his voice makes me want to run away. It's not as nice and warm as it formerly used to be, but instead turned cold and dark, almost villainous. And at the same time, I can hear it's filled with pain and grief.

"That's none of your business" I answer.

"Well, as it appears we are finding us in the middle of your euhm – plan – I think it is as much of our business than it is yours" Johanna replies.

I don't know how to respond to that and look at Haymitch for some support. But he seems frozen, and his eyes are locked on Johanna and Peeta, like he is seeing a ghost.

"What's with him?" Peeta asks. I shake my head and shrug my shoulders. Peeta starts to laugh. "Well that's just great for you isn't it, your partner is going haywire."

Johanna smiles at Peeta "Ow, but Haymitch there..." she points at him "has always been kind of haywire I think, so I shouldn't worry to much about it."

Peeta nodds "That's Haymitch? The guy whose voice I hear on the television?"

"Yep" Johanna replies "the one and only Haymitch. You don't remember, do you?"

Peeta drops his eyes "No I don't, and neither do I know who the other guy is. Am I supposed to know him?"

I look at Peeta in surprise. How can he ever forget who I am? I saved his life! I heard the kid has been hijacked, and that he was a bit mental. But I never expected he has no clue about anything. I see Johanna open her mouth to say something, but I interrupt her: "I'm Finnick".

Peeta frowns "Finnick ... I don't think anyone told me about a guy named Finnick."

He never heard of me? He doesn't even recognize my name?

"I am a victor, just like you. I'm from District 4, where we do fishing. I participated in the Quarter quell, together with you and Johanna."

"And Katniss" Peeta adds in strange voice. But he doesn't say anything more. Silence falls.

"We got to move on" Haymitch has come to life again, and he gives me a look. "We don't have an time to waste. Open that door Finnick, now." I nod in agreement, although I'm a bit bewildered by Haymitch sudden change of behavior, and walk over to the other side of the room, towards a gray, old, metal door. But Johanna stands up and blocks my way. "What are you going to do with that door? It's locked, always. You can not get in."

"I think I can" I put my hand in my pocket and take out a small hairpin.

"Why do you want to get in?"

"I want to know what's inside."

"Obvious" Johanna says and she steps aside "I wanna take a closer look too – ok?". I nod and thank her. I start my attempt to unlock the door. After a while, I hear a 'click' and it flings open, only to reveal what's not an actual room, but more of an oversized cabinet. Stuffed with books and boxes of all sizes. My jaw drop as I read the inscriptions on the sides – it are names, but not some random ones. Our names – I can see mine, Peeta's, Johanna's, Annies, Katniss', Haymitch' and so many others. Even Maggs, who is no longer among us, has her own file. I pick up my own file and open it. I'm greeted by a picture of myself, standing barefoot in the sea at my home, smiling at the camera. How did this picture get here? I am sure I never gave it to anyone. It's a pic Annie took from me, months ago, before the quarter quell was announced. I was sure I hid it in my home, so nobody would find it. Because I don't like to share much of my personal things with anyone. I shake the my thought away and read the file trough.

Name: Finnick Odair … Disrict: 4 - blablabla - Hunger games victor – blabla - Trivia: Deeply cares about Annie Cresta (see file 'Annie Cresta') – those are some of the things that immediately catch my eye.

Johanna walks in too. "What are all these things?"

"Secrets... Files, on us. All of us. I don't know why Coin kept them – or even how she knows all these things."

Johanna lets her fingers slip over numerous files, and finally picks out two. Her own, and Peeta's. Before I can stop her, he turns around, walks over to the bed, and drops Peeta's file on his lap. "Here you go, some nice literature Peeta – maybe this will tell you exactly who you are." She sits down at his feet and starts to read her own file.

"Heh, ow you two, you are not supposed..." Haymitch says, but he doesn't finish his sentence. I look at him and see that he too, has realized both Peeta and Johanna know far to less about anything going on. So maybe we should not deny them this bit of info.

"Come on, let's dig into these files – we don't have much time left if we want to inspect most of them, don't we?" I say.

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay. But I was a bit uninspired (yet again). I have been writing on this chapter pretty long, and I still can not get it right =S Please R&R - maybe it'll give me some new ideas for the story!**


	12. Meeting myself

**Chapter 12 – Meeting Myself**

**Peeta's POV**

I stare down at the blue fabric wrapping the file Johanna Mason just gave me, but I don't touch it. If I understood well what those people around me are saying, it contains information on me. Lots of information, information that might be valuable, that can get me out of my oblivious state. But do I wanna know about myself? Would you wanna know if you were me? Imagine: you wake up one day in a hospital room surrounded by people, telling you you're going to be alright. They tell you you are safe, that your friends are here. And right that moment, you realize you can't remember having friends in the first place. You can't remember anything at all. You have no clue about who you are, where your from or what you are supposed to do. All you can think of is the endless suffering they've put you through. A suffering seemingly caused by one person, and one person only. A suffering that haunts you at all moments, so you can never forget. And you start to wonder: maybe I deserved what I got? Maybe I have done such terrible things that I needed to be punished that badly. So think about it, if you didn't know if you were a terrible being before, and if you had the choice to find out about your past and discover you are a most cruel creature or just ignore your it and start all over - which of those options would you pick?

I can't make up my mind, and I don't know if I ever will – but I have to make a decision right here and right know. That man – Finnick – mentioned we have only a limited amount of time to study these files before 'she' will find out about it. I don't know who 'she' is, but I reckon by the way they talk about her, she ain't much of a nice person.

"Hey, aren't you curious? You've been staring at that file for 10 minutes by now Peeta... Are you ok?" I look up and see a worried Johanna Mason staring at me. Her own file is lying on her knees, and I can see a picture lying on top of all the papers. She follows my gaze and smiles slightly. "You want to see?" she points at the picture. I nod. Johanna holds the thing out to me, so I can take a closer look. I can see four people smiling at me. One of them is clearly Johanna Mason, although she is not easy to recognize. On the picture, she looks like a vital young woman, with waist length dark blond hair. She is smiling in a way I have never seen her done before, of at least, I never remember her doing before. Besides her stands a young man, who looks so much like her it must be her brother. He is holding the hand of a younger girl, who is looking skywards. Behind the trio stands an older man, whose arms and face are covered with scars. He could have looked like a frighting person, if not for his radiant smile.

"Are they...?" I ask.

"They're my family" Johanna whispers "My father, my brother Seth and my sister Lenne."

"Were are they? Are they here?"

"No, they're … They have moved on."

I keep quit. Johanna's family is gone, just like mine. Suddenly, I feel less alone. I'm not the only one without a family.

Johanna takes my hand and puts in on top of the file. "Maybe you should find out about your family and friends toe – don't you think?" She squeezes my hand before she lets go.

I hesitate: "But what if it contains things I can not handle? Maybe I'm not the person I expect I was... I could have been a monster..."

"You were not" a voice coming from the iron door says. Haymitch backs into view, holding a box in his hands. "I can tell you that much Peeta – you were not a monster, not at all. Didn't anybody tell you that?"

"I didn't believe them. Do you believe what strangers tell you?"

Haymitch drops his eyes "No I don't. But you can believe me – I am no stranger to you. I know you, for almost 2 years."

"I wish I could believe that, but I chose not to believe anything anymore..."

"Maybe you can believe the file? It might help you remember... Just give it a try?" Haymitch gives me a gentle look, and I get the feeling I can somehow trust him. So I open the file, but I'm hindered by my handcuffs. Johanna notices and her expression becomes filled with pity. "Here, let me help you out." She pushes me aside and crawls over so she can sit next to me. "Let's look at it together – alright? And if you don't want me to see, I'll close my eyes – deal?"

Since I have no other choice, I agree. "Be ready to meet yourself Peeta Mellark" Johanna announces, as she picks up some papers.


	13. Keep your mouth shut

**Chapter 13 – Keep your mouth shut**

**Peeta's POV**

After all the reading I've been doing the past hour, I can tell I am not the monster I was so afraid of being. No – I am Peeta Mellark, son of the local baker in District 12. My family consisted of both my parents and my two older brothers. We were well know around 12, mostly because of our delicious bread but also because of my mothers extremely cold nature. Our family lived a pretty easy live compared to our fellow district members for many years, until I reached the age of 16. At that age I was reaped, alongside a 12 year old girl from the Seam – Primrose Everdeen – whose place was later taken by her older sister Katniss. We were to compete in the 74the annual Hunger Games, where at least one of us would find death. But against all odds, both of us came out of the arena victorious. During my absence, my parents bakery didn't fair well. My dad had suffered because he believed I would never return home and my mother was as cold as ever. But that changed with my unexpected return. The money I made by winning the games granted us the opportunity to get in business again, to start all over. Everything returned the way it was before – or even got better - but our happiness was short lived. Katniss and I were once again send away a year later, as tributes for the 3th Quarter Quell. What we didn't know was that we were part of a plan, a plan to escape the arena and by that, start a rebellion. Unfortunately, things didn't went the way they should have. Not all the people who should have made it out of the arena actually did. Only three victors managed to escape. Johanna and I were left behind and later captured by the Capitol. Those people tortured us for over 6 weeks until we were rescued by the rebels. But help came to late. The Capitol already caused major damage. Not only did they made me forget about everything I once cared about, they also took away everything I once cared about. My family and home are gone, disappeared along with my memories of them.

"Do you think it will come back?" I gaze at Johanna Mason, who has been sitting next to me all this time.

"I can not say. But the least we can do is try to remember, don't we?" She gives me a weak smile. I nod and look at the papers lying on my lap. On top of them is a picture of Katniss Everdeen.

_Katniss_

The one I am so afraid of, the one I hate so much. The one I once used to love more than anything. I've read a lot about her today, about how we used to live next to each other, about how we acted to be lovers. About me being her friend. When I heard people describe my relation to her before, I always thought they were making things up, because what they told me didn't correspond with my current feeling about her. But at this very moment, many paradoxical feelings are taking over me.

"Why do I hate her so much?" I ask Johanna. "According to this (I point at the file) she hasn't done anything wrong. All I remember about her seems … fake..."

Johanna snorts: "Oh Katniss didn't do anything wrong – to you. She's just all grumpy and has that I-am-going-to-save-the-world attitude, which can be annoying. But you just hate her because they – the Capitol – want you to."

I look at her, a bit confused. I wonder why that Capitol wants me to hate Katniss... Maybe it's to dangerous for them if I don't. Was I – when I cared about her – a threat to them? At least, me loving Katniss must have been a bad case. So maybe if I could pretend to care about her, if I could make the people think I like her, that will change things. I can not give in to the feelings they want me to have. Maybe I can be of use to the rebels to, if I could find my true feeling again – the feeling that I genuinely care about Katniss Everdeen. But that will be a very hard thing to do.

Just when I am about to ask Johanna more about what is going on with me, I notice something sticking out of the paperwork on my lap. With much effort – as I am still wearing handcuffs – I pull it out and immediately feel nauseous. I'm staring down at a picture of what once must have been four people, but now are nothing more than dusty rotten corpses. Their hands are clinging onto each other. I don't need to ask who those people are, I already know.

"O my..." Johanna peeks over my shoulder and gasps "How did they get this? This is just..." Her eyes stand bewildered. "Haymitch! Finnick!" She shouts.

Finnick Odair comes out of the closet, holding a large wooden box. "What is it?"

Johanna pulls the picture out of my hands and shows it to Finnick. "How did they get this? You went back to 12? To take pictures of dead people. Such a disgrace and lack of respect oh gosh!" Johanna shouts.

Finnick slowly shakes his head and puts the box on the ground. "I never thought they would have these..." Haymitch apears behind Finnick with a strange look on his face. "What's the drama?" he asks. Finnick hands him the photograph.

"What the? Are those?" Haymitch drops the picture, looking at it in disgust and walks over to my bed. He grabs Johanna Masons file, goes trough it really fast and finally pulls out set of pictures. I can't see what they depict but I have a good guess about it...

"This is sick. Why does Coin need those for?" He flings the pictures into the air. "This is it, everything I have seen here is to much. I'm going to talk to that bitch!" Haymitch stands up and wants to make his way to the door, but Finnick grabs him by his collar. "Hold on a sec man – what do you think that is going to happen when you reveal to Coin we have been sticking our noses into her stuff?" Haymitch turns around and pushes Finnick away, so he falls backwards on the ground. Finnick turns red and opens his mouth to shout something.

"Stop it!" Johanna says. Suddenly, she slaps Haymitch in the face. "You are insane, you know that? If you are going to complain to her highness, she gets exactly what she wants, doesn't she? You will give her a reason to lock you away, and us too. You and Peeta are the people Katniss cares about most. What will become of the rebellion if you are no longer in the picture? And who will be able to tell the people how rotten she is? You thought about that?"

Finnick crawls back to his feet. "She is right Haymitch, we can not tell anyone about what we have found out, you hear me?" I look from Haymitch to Finnick and back. Haymitch sighs: "Fine, you two have a point, but you can not expect me to agree wit this." He points at the closet and at the box on the ground. "Not only those pics but everything in that closet, everything we found. You read those things to Finnick! You've seen what's stocked in those boxes. What else is Coin hiding from us? And why does she need those things in the first place?" That makes me curious. So Coin hides things in those files and boxes. I wonder …

"We should discuss this later" Finnick announces "as our time here is nearly over. Doctors will arrive soon. Let's get these things back where they belong."

Johanna, Finnick and Haymitch unite forces and after 15 minutes or so, everything is stored in that closet again. Haymitch shuts the door, and Finnick locks it again.

"It's time to leave then" Johanna says, her eyes locked on the iron door. "So, what about this night. Should we euhm – forget?"

"For now, that's the best thing" Finnick answer.

I laugh and the three of them look at me.

"I'm sorry, it's just about forgetting – I am good at that." I smile, and a warm feeling fills my chest. This night might have been confusing, but it made something very clear for me. There are still people who care about me, and they let me join their plan. Being part of something, being trusted to keep a secret like this, makes me feel good again.

"But I wont, I'll keep my mouth shut. You can count on me!" I say.

"On me too, just so you know. But for now, I'll go an act all lonely again. Just in case …" Johanna says, and she leaves.

Finnick winks at me and follows Johanna. Haymitch remains standing.

"I'll come over sometimes, to talk to you – alright? Maybe together we can bring your memories back." Without looking at me, he walks to the door and before he leaves, he adds: "But don't let anyone notice you are making improvements. Because I got the feeling that does not into Coins plans."

**Hey everyone, sorry it took me a while to upload, but I was busy lately. So here is another chapter - I hope you like it a bit! Please read and review!**


	14. Wake up

**Chapter 14 - Wake up**

**Johanna's POV**

I run back to my room as fast as I can, and reach the sink just in time so I can throw up. The vision of all the dead people depicted on the photographs is dancing in front of my eyes. I feel a pain that ain't caused by the wounds scattered all over my body, but by grief. Coin is just sick, sick! Keeping all those things hidden in a closet. She locked up all info there is to find about us behind that damned door. Those files contained enough information so even the must dumb ass person in Panem would find out what all of our weak spots are. That info will grant anybody the change to break us. And I suppose that's what Coin is going to do. If we do anything wrong, or act against her will, she knows how she can manipulate us, or even drive us insane. In my eyes, she is as rotten as Snow!

I dry my face with a towel, but I still smell horrible. I look at the sink, which is extremely filthy, but I refuse to clean it, or to wash myself. No water is touching my skin.

I get back to bed and cuddle up against my cushions, my eyes wide open. I will try very hard not to fall asleep, because I am afraid of what my dreams may bring. I lay like that for what seems to be a very long time, before I start to feel all lonely again. Sure Katniss is here, but she is still unconscious. If only she were awake... So I had anyone to talk to. But not too much though, because people might actually think I like them when I talk to much. Which is in fact true. I like people, not only the people who are dead, but people around here to. I wish they could be my friends, and if I would act a bit kinder, they might actually become friends. But I wont let them. Because when you get close to someone, the harder it is when that person gets lost. I experienced that before, and I don't think I can handle it again.

I gaze at Katniss' closed eyes, and wonder what she is dreaming about. Would it be happy things, about her old life and how things used to be? Just like I dream about my family? It's a strange thing to say, but those dreams are the worst. Far worse than the nightmares about the torture. Because when I wake up after one of the nightmares, I know I'm fine and nothing is going to hurt me. But when I wake up after a beautiful dream ... I just realize it wasn't real. I get drawn back to the cold reality. Where there is nothing but loneliness and misery – and an empty house waiting for me. No Seth, no Lenne, no dad... No friends... Nobody is waiting for me when I come home.

At those moments, I question myself what exactly I am fighting for. Even if we win, I wont get anything. All I can do is start to make friends, but who would want me for a friend? I always acted cold and heartless, uncaring. Would they believe me when I tell them I did all that just because I could not handle the thought I might have lost them during the war?

Knock knock.

An early visitor. Just what I needed! I sit up and look at the door. I don't mind who it is, even if it is Coin. I need someone around, to keep me busy – so I can no longer think about friends and family, and about my lack of them.

"Come in!"

The door swings open, and a tired looking young man walks in. Gale – Katniss best friend. Or maybe, he is even more than her friend.

"Hello Johanna" he says. His voice sounds as bad as he looks.

"She is still out" I nod at Katniss "But you can try and talk to her. I do it all the time."

Gale smiles weakly: "I already tried – but it is no use. She wont wake up."

"But you don't give up on her, do you?"

He shakes his head: "I don't... But I just wonder..."

He does not finish his sentence, and I look at him expectantly. "What?"

"If she heard Peeta's voice, maybe she would wake up sooner. Maybe my voice is not what she wants to hear." Gale drops his eyes, and I don't really know what to say to comfort him.

"Well ..." I start but I don't get any further.

Gale ignored me and walks over to Katniss. He gently put his hands on her shoulders and shakes her a little. "Wake up" he whispers. But she does not react. Gale turns towards me: "You see? No use... Guess I'll come back tomorrow."

He makes his way back to the door. "Hey wait! Don't go!" I shout, before actually realizing it. Gale halts: "What's the matter?"

I get a bit red and when I speak, I can't help but stutter: "I feel lonely so maybe ..." I feel my cheeks warm up, because I am ashamed. I don't usually ask people to keep me company, let alone people I barely know – like Gale.

"I can stay, for a while..." Gale says. He sits down on my bed. "You don't get much visits do you?" he asks.

"No..."

"How come?"

"I ..." I want to say 'because Coin doesn't let people', but I can't.

"Maybe because you act all grumpy sometimes."

"Auch, that's not a nice thing to say!"

"But it is true" Gale shrugs "Not that I don't understand. If I were you, I would act all the same."

I blink: "Is that so?"

"Uhu, if they killed my family and friends and put me trough all that, I think all I would care about is revenge."

"How can you know?" I ask.

"Because of how I feel. When I see what they have done to you and Katniss... and Peeta – that is horrible. I feel sorry for you, and angry at the Capitol. I feel such a need of fighting them for what they did to the ones I loved – and my loved ones are still alive. So I can imagine that you – who has no one left – feel far worse than I do."

He falls quiet. I am a bit amazed about what he said. That guy is getting consumed by his hatred. I feel sorry – no one should have to feel that way.

"That is … not so nice" - dham that is a stupid thing to say.

"It is..." Gale whispers. "You know" he adds "I never talked to you before, but actually you remind me of her, of Katniss I mean. You two are a lot alike, the way you act and speak. You could be good friends. And I think you can both use a friend."

"I don't want a friend." I snort.

"But you need one."

"That's true..."

"So why don't you let people in?"

I sigh: "Because I might lose them." So there, I told someone. And actually, it's kind of deliberating.

"Well, I can be your friend..." he looks at me "If you want to..."

I laugh: "Why would you want to be my friend? And besides, your not superman – you can die."

"Haha, but I am a tough one – I wont die, cause I'm a fighter. And as for being your friend, I guess I need some more friends to. I can't only stick with Katniss. If she … well just one friend isn't enough, is it?" he smiles.

"Yeah, maybe you are right." I get what he was trying to say. If Katniss dies, or if she chooses Peeta, Gale would only have his family left. I think about it – maybe it is not so bad to warm up to people... If I have to live my life alone until the war is over, I might grow insane. So what if I make one friend? That won't hurt – I think. "Maybe it wont hurt to be 'friends'," I say.

"Well" Gale smiles awkwardly "now we can officially start to befriend each other."

"Yep!" - ok this is a really weird way of making friends. But I kind of like it.

"So, I got to go, I must be at breakfast soon."

"Oh, that's stupid. See you around!"

Gale hops of my bed. "You know, I might not have been able to wake up Katniss, but I think I managed to wake you up instead." By those words, he leaves. I think about what he said, not quite understanding what he means. But I can ask him later … because he will come again. That is what friends do, right?


	15. A depressed heart to heart

**Chapter 15 – A depressed heart to heart**

**Johanna's POV**

Katniss woke up yesterday. Finally. It was about time she showed some signs of life. She was kind of becoming more of a plant than an actual human being. If it had taken her a bit longer, I guess I should have felt like putting her in some soil and water her from time to time...

At this very moment, she is sitting on top of a pile of sheets lying on her bed, looking at me just like she looks at everyone: stern and almost emotionless at some moments. It's kind of annoying me, all the staring, but I guess it's better not to say anything about it. Cause when I do, she gets extra grumpy, which is even more annoying. So instead of complaining, I try to starts a conversation with her.

"So... You went out to other districts huh?"

"Grmbl."

Alright, she doesn't seem in for a talk. But I am sick of her way of doing. So I just keep going.

"You know, I would have been happy when they let me out. But you seem like you've just been attending a funeral. Anyway, I'm going to get out of this hospital room as soon as I can. If I didn't need the morphling so much, I'd already left!"

As she does not respond, I just keep talking.

"I would love to have a compartment, just like Haymitch got. It looks boring too, but anything is better than here. All those psycho doctors pfft... they drive crazy. I'm so glad I only have one coming around. Imagine how Peeta must feel, he has tons of them watching him every minute, 24/7!

Suddenly, Katniss gets up and walk around her bed and sits down on the ground, so I can no longer see her. Great! Maybe she is a little depressed. But I am not done talking, so I get up to and find myself a place next to her.

"Phoo this floor is really cold. They should have installed floor heating, don't you think? Maybe I'll ask some of the doctors to do that for me, cause they don't seem to have anything better to do."

"Get lost Johanna, I don't wanna talk."

"Sorry for you then, because I really need a talk! I've been alone for to long! And your the only person around here to talk to. So you'll be the one to listen, and if you don't like it well... that's your problem" I say.

"Whatever..."

"What the hell is your problem anyway? What's with the depressed-act?"

She gives me an angry look. "I have problems of my own, and they do not include floor heating."

"Oh god, she has problems" I snort "What can your problem be. Are your blankets not clean enough?"

"No."

"Well if anyone should complain, it's me" I say.

"You don't have much of a problem right now." Katniss replies coldly.

"Oh no? No I've just been tortured, betrayed, left alone and I'm kind of going crazy. But that ain't much of a problem compared to your issues, right?" I snarl.

Katniss looks up and her expressions changes a bit. She shakes her head and sighs: "I'm sorry. It's just, I feel so helpless, being out for that long. I should help people, not lying around, or get myself into trouble while shooting those promo's. I would like to fight, that's what I should do. Not pretend like I'm some symbol of hope, or like I can convince people of some things. Cause I have zero charisma! There are other people who should have done a better job than me!"

Alright, now we hit the real problem. She is talking about Peeta, that's what she is depressed about.

"Why don't you go see him?"

"Huh?" Katniss looks at me, acting confused. But I don't fall for it.

"You know very well what I mean."

"I don't think he wants to see me. He tried to kill me last time, remember?"

"No I don't. Cause no one bothered to tell me what's going on around here. Luckily, I have very good ears and I hear things I am not supposed to hear from time to time."

Katniss eyes widen a bit: "They didn't tell you?"

"Nope."

"Why don't you complain?"

"You really believe that I didn't try that?"

"Oh, no of course ..."

I give her a little push on the shoulder.

"Stupid kid" I say.

"Look who's talking."

Oh, we make such a lovely couple – we are so nice to each other! But I feel Katniss needs a a little pep talk. Usually, I don't cheer people up, but this is a special case. Katniss is my roommate after all, and I don't want to be stuck with an all depressed person for the rest of my days.

"Alright, you're not all stupid... People really missed you, you know?"

"Is that so?"

"Yes of course, Gale checked up on you every morning, before he went to training. And Prim came by every time she had the chance. You mean a lot to those people."

She smiles at me, and I guess this must be the first time I see her do that.

"Thanks for mentioning" she whispers.

"No problem... I am jealous of you, you know. I would give up everything I have for someone to care about me as much as Gale and Prim care about you."

"I would give up everything too if one particular person would care about me like he used to do." Katniss says, and I hear a bit of sadness in her voice.

"I think he can, one day, care about you again. But you gotta help him, he can not do it alone. You should give Peeta another chance, Katniss. He has been trough so much, and trust me, I know all about it. You can't expect him to just turn back to how he always was before."

"I think you have a point there. But I don't know if I'm ready to face him. I am not expecting a warm welcome."

"Which he will certainly not give you, but if you don't go see him, you'll never find out if he will ever love you again."

"Right."

I yawn, actually I feel pretty tired.

"I'm going to take a nap, if you don't mind. Gives you time to think. When you wanna go and see Peeta, just tell me – Haymitch, alright. We can help you. Just don't... don't tell Coin or any of the doctors, except for that Aurelius maybe." I get up and get back to my bed. I lay down and close my eyes, a bit afraid of my dreams that may come, when I hear Katniss voice.

"Why?"

"Just believe me, it's for the best. But for now, I'm done talking. I'll explain to you some day. But I don't think now is the best time."

**Hey, another update from me, jippie! I kept my promise of trying to update sooner. I have a little question for you guys. I got the feeling my story is getting a little boring for you (with al the talking thing), so I wonder: is that true? Please comment about the things you like and don't like.**

**Oh btw, the next chapters will resolve about the marriage of Finnick and Annie (how they decided to marry, preparations and stuff). So stay tuned. Please R & R!**


	16. Life changing decision

**Chapter 16 – Life changing decision**

**Finnick POV**

Before I entered that closet a day ago, I never thought the situation I'm currently in was that bad. Bad ... maybe it is not the right word to describe it. Rotten – that's better. This place is as rotten as any other place after all, not because of the people who live here, or because we live underground, but because the very one person who is controlling this place. Coin is a sick mind, and I wonder if it is just normal for people to elect a leader who is crack-brained.

Anyway, after everything I learned about Coin while digging into those numerous files, I started to think about some things. And by that I mean my life and how I will spend the rest of my days – and I am pretty sure I have not so many days left. Why you might ask? Because people die easy - that's a fact. I read about how they killed Johanna's family, about how Peeta's and Katniss' whole district got slaughtered just because they made one wrong decision in their lives. I have experienced Snows methods myself... If you do something the Capitol can not appreciate, they can take everything away from you just by snapping their fingers. And if this war does not get over soon, I am sure the Capitol will come after every single one of us and destroy our lives even more. And if we win … well Coins files and the way she kept documents on us made me realize she has not much better for us in store then Snow has.

So I made a very important decision today. I made a list of things I wanna do before I die, and my number one priority was the easiest to come up with. I wanna spend my life with Annie, because of all people, I care most about her. Because she likes me not because of my good looks or because I won those Games, but because I am Finnick. Her Finnick, her protector. I once promised I would keep her safe, I would help her the best I can – right before she left for the arena. At that moment, I felt something I never felt before. Genuine concern. It is harsh to admit, but Annie was the very first tribute I cared about, I really wanted to bring back. At that moment, I did not realize why I felt that way, it wasn't until many months later that I found out I actually fell in love with her.

And today, I still feel like I want to help her and keep her safe. I wanna make sure she knows I love her, I want Annie to know I am hers and hers alone. So I am going to ask her to marry me.

Plutarch actually came up with the idea some weeks ago. He told me a marriage would be great promotion material, but I turned down the idea at that time. It didn't feel right, deciding to marry Annie just because it would make great television. It would have felt like it was an insult to her, like I only wanted her because others ordered me to marry her. But now, I am going to ask her because I want to marry her in my own free will.

Hey everyone,

I am so sorry I did not update for such a long time. I just lost inspiration, and I felt like I was writing rubbish, so I let the story rest for a while. I know this chapter is extremely short, but I'll try to write more in the near future! So really sorry! I already figured out how I the next chapter is going to be, so I hope to write it soon.

Greets

Ellyn


	17. The other way around

**Chapter 17 – The other way around**

**Finnick's POV**

As I am making my way towards the hospital, I start pondering. How do you ask someone to marry you? I know how they do it in the movies and such, but I don't want to do it that way. It's just too ordinary, and I am anything but just an ordinary guy. And Annie is much more to me than just an ordinary girl. I wanna propose to her in a special way. I thought about taking her out for a walk, out in the district, so she can breath some fresh air – but Plutarch did not give me permission. Because I couldn't give him a good reason to. The fact is, I did not tell Plutarch about my wedding plans, just because I think he might ruin my moment with Annie if he knew. I just like to keep him away from me as much as I can.

I hold still at the hospital door and lift my fist, but do not knock yet. I still haven't figured anything out...

"Please help me," I whisper, to no one in particular. But I silently hope someone or something will come to my aid when I am about to ask Annie that very special question – so our moment will be special. I shake my thought away, breath slowly in and out, and knock.

"Come in," a young woman's voice says. It's hers, Annies. Every time I hear that sound, a shiver goes down my spine. Because it is the most beautiful sound in the world, according to me.

I open the door and I am greeted by a smiling black haired girl sitting in the middle of her bed. She is reading something, or so it seems. A book is lying on her lap, but it is unopened. I smile, a bit clumsy, and point at the book.

"What are you reading?" I ask.

"Nothing," Annie responds with a mysterious smile.

"What's the book for?"

"I'll tell you, if you want, but first you have to promise me something," she says, and I can see her eyes twinkle. I nod, "Alright, what do you want me to do?"

"Do not ask me anything today, unless I allow you to. It will be me who's asking the questions for now. Do you promise?" she says. I frown. This is not exactly what I expected her to say. I thought she would ask for a kiss, or a hug. Or maybe a cup of coffee. But not this. I feel a bit troubled, as this little game of hers might disturb my plans.

"I don't think I can promise you that," I say.

"Oh? Why not," she ask curiously.

"Just ..." I don't know how to respond to that.

"See, you can give me no reason. You once told me, if someone can give you no reason for what he or she is doing, it is pointless. So Finnick Odair, do we have an agreement?" Annie smiles, and I can't help but return her smile. Gosh – I like it when she smiles, but her smiles also have a strange effect on my. When she does, I feel like I can not turn her down.

"Al right then, I promise," I say a bit hesitantly. Annie claps her hands and jumps of her bed.

"Fine, let's go!"

She takes her book and grabs my hand. She leads my away from the hospital room, into the corridor.

"Hey wait, where are we going?"

"I said no questions," Annie says a bit reproachful. I sigh, and just follow her around. Finally, we arrive at an abandoned corner at what I believe to be the west side of the underground building. Annie takes me all the way down to the corridor, and I can see she is heading towards a ladder.

"What do ..." I start, but she interrupts me.

"Climb up," she says. And I obey. The ladder goes all the way up, and it seems to be endless. After five minutes, I hit my head.

"Auch," I groan, and I look up to see a hatch. I let go of the ladder and push it open. I climb up and turn around to help Annie up. She is smiling wider than ever.

"Voila!" she says, and spreads her arms. I look around, and see a most amazing room. It is filled with basins, aquaria and other things filled with fish and water. My jaw drops. I never imagined such a room was hidden in this place. I wonder what it is for...

"It's nice, all the water and ..." I am too lost for words. This place remind me so much of my home and my old life. It kind of makes me sad, and without realizing it, I shed some tears.

"Why are you crying?" Annie asks me.

"Because I am happy, to be here … with you, and … it feels like home," I whisper and I pull her close.

"I know," she whispers back, "I knew you would like it. I found this room two days ago, when I was looking for a doctor late at night."

I look at Annie: "What did you need a doctor for?"

She giggles: "No questions, how many times must I remind you of that?"

"Sorry..."

"Anyway," she hand me the book she is still holding on to, "here you go."

I take the thing, and stare at it. Annie looks at me, like she is awaiting something.

"Well? Open it!"

And so I do, and I start to feel curious about it too. I turn around every page, studying it close, looking for something special but …

"There is nothing in there!" I tell Annie. She winks at me, but doesn't say anything. She just keeps waiting. I start to wonder if this is one of her silly games again. She often plays games with me, that are completely pointless. Most of the time they are quite funny, but also a bit distracting. It makes me think about Annies mental health – because some of her games are really odd. But this one – it doesn't feel like any of those odd games.

"Do you know what this is?" she finally asks me.

"No..." I reply.

"It is my life story," she says, and she puts her hand on the book.

"But it's empty... Do you mean your life is empty?" I ask her.

"No, not really. It's just, I wanna start a new book about my life," she says and she gives me a playful kiss.

"Oh," is all I can say. Annie starts to shuffle a little. "You know, I can use some help with that book of mine. I don't think I can fill it on my own..." she starts and she looks up at me. My eyes find hers and suddenly, I realize what she is about to say.

"So I wanted to know if you, Finnick Odair, would help my write the next part of my life story, I want you to be a part of it, as long as it may last," she finishes. I blink and grab Annies hands. The books falls on the ground as I pull her closer to me.

"I will always be yours, and yours only Annie," I whisper in her ear.

"So you will marry me?" she ask quietly.

"Of course I will," I reply before kissing her. Annie flings her arms around my neck and together, we fall on the soft, wooden floor. As she starts to gently fondle my hair, I feel like the happiest person alive. This moment was nothing like I ever imagined, but I don't mind. It is just a real Annie-and-Finnick moment, perfect in his own way. I got my special proposal after all, because that one someone who will always be there for me, came to my aid.

_Annie_

**Finally another chapter, it took me quiet long. I have been busy lately – I am so sorry. I don't think I can promise to update weekly, but I'll try to in the future. I hope you likes this part! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	18. Wedding Bells

**Chapter 18 – Wedding bells**

**Johanna's POV**

**Hello everyone, **

**here I am once again with another chapter for my story. I noticed a lot of people are getting annoyed at my writings (because I make a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes). I am really sorry about that, and I wanna do something about it. So I bought an English dictionary last week so I can look up some stuff (the things Microsoft Word can't correct), and I'll try to reread previous chapters (and correct them). The problem is: it will take a while to correct everything, so you must be a little bit patient ;-) Please feel free to post remarks, of to tell me which mistakes I make too often – I won't be mad =D**

**Anyway, thanks for reading ;-) **

**Ellyn**

I'm out for a walk... No that's not true – it's more like I am strolling around the hospital doors at the hospital wing, being utterly useless. But I have nothing better to do. Katniss is sleeping, so I can not talk to her, and I solved all of the crossword puzzles Haymitch gave me last week.

So here I am, walking around, being in the way of the doctors and listening to whatever people around here are saying. And to be honest, I'm also here because I am silently hoping I will bump into someone who wants to talk to me. If I could, I would walk straight towards Haymitch's or Finnick's room. But that would be to much of a risk, and also too exhausting.

But today seems to be my lucky day. As I walk past Peeta's room, I hear Haymitch's voice. I hold still and peek inside. Haymitch is standing at Peeta's bedside and is talking very vividly. He seems to be in an extremely good mood. I stay here, looking at Haymitch while he is talking, until Peeta notices me. I smile at the guy, and to my surprise, he smiles back at me. Haymitch, who must have noticed that Peeta was no longer listening to him, turns around.

"My dear, you come for a visit?" he asks cheerfully.

"It depends," I answer, "Can I come in?"

"Of course you can!" Haymitch shouts, and he makes a gentle gesture. I look at Peeta, "Do I have your permission too?" He nods, and gives me another smile. I enter the room and walk towards Peeta's bed and plump down at his feet.

"Haymitch has some good news," Peeta tells me.

"I kind of noticed. I'm curious," I say. Haymitch raises an eyebrow.

"You, curious?" he says teasingly, "I always believed you did not care about anything?"

"Haha," I reply scornfully, "very funny. There are still things I care about, and besides, people can change. You, of all people, should know that."

Haymitch nods, "True words my dear, true words."

"Well," I look expectantly at the two men, "what's the big deal?"

Haymitch spreads his arms, just like much of the Capitol people do when they are about to say something important, and clears his voice, "I am honored to be the one to tell you that we are going to celebrate something very grandiose, my lady. Our dearest friends, Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta, are getting married!"

'Wow, that's about time,' is the first thing that flashes through my mind. But I also feel glad, glad for them. Finnick and Annie are two of the few persons I consider to be 'possible friends', and I couldn't think about two people who are making a better couple as them.

"That's really great! Best news I heard in ..." I hesitate - when was the last time someone actually brought me good news? It certainly has been too long. Maybe the last time I heard such good news dates back to the time before I was reaped.

"Yes, it is," Haymitch smiles, "and they where not forced to marry, it's their own choice. So no obligations." Haymitch looks at Peeta. I follow his gaze. Peeta suddenly looks a bit angry. Just as I open my mouth to ask why he looks so mad, I remember something.

The first time I met him and Katniss.

I recall how the pair was dressed up as bride and groom, how they had looked so sad and beautiful at the same time... how Peeta looked like when he was still his gentle, normal self. The person who unconditionally loved Katniss.

I give Haymitch an irritated look. He should not have mentioned it – but by the look on his face, I can tell it was an accident. In an attempt to ease the tension, I try to talk about a more pleasant subject.

"Who's going to prepare the party? Which dress is Annie going to wear? And where do we get the food?" I ask.

"Wow, wow, wow. That are a lot of questions. Annie and Finnick are trying to arrange everything. It's their wedding after all. Coin told us she would take care of the banquet. And for the dress we thought about ..." Haymitch does not say anything more, but instead looks at Peeta's face. The guy is still looking a bit angry, and I kind of feel sorry for him.

"Well we euh, don't know about the dress yet," Haymitch finishes.

"Ah well, you still got time. When are they going to marry?" I ask.

"In three days," Haymitch answers.

"What?!"

"Uhu, that's kind of Plutarchs idea. He wanted to shoot some promo's at the party, you know: dancing victors, people from District 13 – that sort of stuff."

I snort. I should have known. Plutarch always want things to be useful. Of course a wedding is useful to him. It will indeed be wonderful promo-material.

"I can't dance," Peeta says suddenly. I look at him in surprise. That's what bothers him at the moment?

"I can't dance either, so don't mind," I assure him.

"No, not like that. I mean, I can't dance like you can. Not with these." Peeta holds his hands up, to show us his handcuffs.

"We can take those of," I say quickly.

"Of course we can," Haymitch agrees. But Peeta shakes his head, "No, I might loose it again. If I go nuts I ..." He drops his eyes. I look at Haymitch, hoping that he would know how the react to this. But he seemingly doesn't.

"I can stay with you, if you want?" I suggest.

"No, that would ruin everything for you. And I don't want a babysitter," Peeta says.

Dham, I feel bad right now. Can't we let him participate in some sort of way? There must be something he can do. I look at Haymitch again – for support.

"Can't he help with the preparations?" I mouth at him. Haymitch shakes his head, and then suddenly, claps his hands.

"That's it – you can prepare the cake. You are the only one around here who's skillful enough to do that!" he says. Peeta gives him a weird look, "You're exaggerating."

"No, not at all. Or would you like to eat a cake baked by Coin, or Aurelius, or by a random soldier who can't even tell the difference between flour and salt? Or worse – by me and Johanna?"

"No but..." Peeta stutters.

"Well, we have a deal!" Haymitch decides, "You are going to bake! And you better do your best, because it's been a long time since I tasted something as delicious as cake!"

Peeta frowns, "If you insist."

"I do," Haymitch says with a gentle smile, "I'll go and tell Plutarch and the others about the idea straight away. You should make a list with things you need. I'll bring you everything you want."

Peeta nods.

"Alright," Haymitch walks towards the door and waves at us, "see ya!"

"Bye," I say, but Haymitch is already gone.

"Wow, why the hurry?" I shout at the door.

"He does not want to be with me for a very long time," Peeta says. I turn at him, a bit startled, "Why do you think he does not want to be with you?"

"It's the way he acts, and how he talks. He seems to be afraid of me," Peeta replies.

"I think he is just afraid to hurt you," I say.

"You see, he's afraid of me."

"You must give him time. He feels guilty too. About what happened to us..."

Silence. Peeta does not respond. He just keeps staring at me, plunged in thought. After a few minutes, the situation is getting really awkward.

"I think I should leave," I say. Peeta still does not say a word.

"Well," I say as I walk to the door, "see you later?" Still no response. It's kind of disturbing. As I leave the room, he suddenly shouts my name.

"Johanna! Wait!"

I turn around and lean against the doorpost, "Yes?"

"Would you … Would you mind if ..." he does not seem to find the right words.

"Yes?"

"Can you help me? I can't write down the ingredients."

I sigh, relieved. I was expecting a more complicated question.

"Of course I will! Do you have paper? And a pencil?"

Peeta nods and points at the nightstand besides his bed, "I got some stuff in here. When the doctors are around, they take the handcuffs of – so I can draw."

Drawing … that's something he always liked to do – if I remember correct. It's a good thing he still remembers that. It means there is still something of the old Peeta left inside him.

I walk around his bed and open some of the drawers and find a pencil and paper in the bottom one. I pick it up and as I want to close the drawer again, I notice something. Underneath the paper were lying numerous drawings. I take them too. Each drawing depicts a scene. There is one of me and Finnick, sitting besides the water at the clock arena. Another drawing depicts a young girl, lying in a bed of flowers. Another one depicts Peeta himself, sitting in the middle of a cold, dark room – a prison cell.

"These are … marvelous," I say, "Are those ...?"

"Memories," Peeta says, "Everything I do not want to forget. I draw it, and keep them close. If I lose myself again, I look at them. They help me, to regain myself. They remind … that I am a real person. Not some mut, made by the Capitol."

"That's wise. I wish I could draw the way you do. So I could make some pictures of my own..."

"I can help," Peeta says. I look at him, "You sure?"

"Of course! But you'll have to describe everything to me. Your memories, I mean."

"Yeah, sure. But we need to take those handcuffs of."

"Ow," Peeta sighs, "That means the doctors have to come back."

"Ah,but you know … we make the list of ingredients first. And afterward, you can give me tips – so you can teach me how to draw!" I say. Peeta does not look convinced.

"No doctors needed," I add.

"Deal!"

"Deal," I wink at him and take the pencil, "so tell me, oh master baker, what do you need?"


	19. Tea and Cake

**Chapter 19 – Tea and Cakes**

**Johanna's POV**

Auch, my feet are hurting and I am exhausted. I am not born to be a soldier, not at all. I should have never agreed with Katniss' plan to train along with the other soldiers. It was not a good idea. I hate running around, I hate weapons, I hate my survival instinct, I hate killing people, I hate water and above all ... I hate being told about how I can save other peoples lives. Because all the people I want to be save are either here, with me, or long gone. It's pretty selfish to think like that, I know. But it's the truth.

"Hmpf pff oh ach."

Seemingly I am not the only one who's exhausted. I look up and see Haymitch walking passed my bedroom door. He is carrying a large cardboard box, and apparently he is having a hard time doing so. Haymitch is puffing and wheezing like an old dog. I wanna help, but I can't really find the strength to. Instead of helping, I just watch how Haymitch is struggling. After five more minutes, the situation gets too pathetic. So I get up, with a lot of effort, and walk over to him.

"You come to laugh at me my dear?" Haymitch asks.

"No, in fact, I came to help you. I mean, I'll try and help you," I say.

"Thanks, I must get this to Peeta," Haymitch says, indicating the box.

"Baker-stuff?" I ask.

"Indeed."

"Let me help."

I bend a little forward and put my hands on the box, so I can carry it. That thing is extremely heavy. If my shoulders of legs could talk, they would certainly complain about the weight.

"How big is that cake going to be?" I ask.

"Big."

I sigh, "But don't you need an oven or anything else? Peeta can't bake in his hospital room, can he?"

Haymitch nods, "He is going to use the oven at the kitchen, here at the hospital."

"Ah." I take a few steps forward, and my knees start to hurt even more, but we've nearly reached our destination.

"I hope this cake will be the best one I ever tasted!" Haymitch complains as we enter Peeta's room.

"I hope so too," I groan.

"I'll do my best," someone says. Haymitch and I put the box down and we look up. Peeta is standing besides the door, flanked by two guards. A shiver goes down my spine when I see them. They are carrying guns. Do they really believe Peeta is that dangerous? Do they think he might get so aggressive that they will have to shoot him?

Haymitch seems to share my concern, "Are those necessary?", he asks while pointing at the guns.

"Coin said the boy should be guarded while he is not handcuffed," one of the guards replies.

"But not with guns!" I say indignantly.

"We should be able to defend ourselves," the other guard says.

"Bullshit," Haymitch snarls.

"What can he do? Throw some pastry at you?" I remark.

"No but ..." the guard starts, but I interrupt.

"You are afraid, aren't you? Of us? I should be afraid to, if I were you. After all, we are Hunger Games victors, what means we are first class assassins. I could break your neck anytime if I want to." Alright, that is not entirely true, but my words seem to have effect. Both guards turn a bit pale and one of them even backs away from me.

"I'm so sorry my lady, but we are only new to this job and ..." the smallest guard stutters.

Oh, I see. Newbies. Given a task they do not even want. Suddenly, I feel a bit sorry about what I said. I often feel sorry about the harsh remarks I make, but I never show that to people. It makes me look weak.

"I'll guard the boy, I'll do a better job than you two anyway," I say in my most cocky way.

The guards seem tempted by my offer. To convince them, I add, "You can go and have a nice day off. I won't tell Coin, and Haymitch would not either, won't you Haymitch?"

"Not at all," he says, sounding a bit amused.

"Deal," one guard stutters.

"Deal," I say. Both guards leave the room as fast as they can, leaving me, Peeta and Haymitch behind. When I can no longer hear their footsteps, I say, "Voila, no more guards needed Peeta. Isn't that great?"

Peeta gives me a thankful look, "Uhu. But now I ruined your day. You have to babysit me."

"I don't mind," I answer veraciously.

"You two can take care of yourselves?" Haymitch asks.

"Yes," we answer in unison.

"Great, 'cause I have I meeting I should go to. I am sorry I can not stay and help out."

"No worries, now go, or you'll be late," I say. Peeta nods and waves his hand towards the door, "You better hurry Haymitch, or all the champagne will be gone." I laugh at his remark, and Haymitch smiles.

"I'm afraid there will be no champagne... I guess they locked it away because you are no longer there to take it away from me."

"Trust me, I will be there once again. One day," Peeta remarks, and as he says that, he almost sounds like the Peeta I once saw on TV. The smart, clever young boy who always found a way to make people like him and above all, believe what he was saying.

"I hold you to that promise," Haymitch says and he leaves.

"So, let's get moving. What should I do, chef?" I ask Peeta. He opens the box and put a few things in my hands.

"You should mix these ingredients in a bowl. We will first make a simple cake, and while it's baking in the oven, we can work on the frosting."

"Oui chef," I say and I put things to work. Peeta joins me. From time to time, he points things out for me. Apparently, I am a really bad cook, as I do everything wrong. But Peeta does not blame it on my lack of skill, but instead assures me that all the mistakes I make are due to my fatigue.

"You are doing the best you can," he tells me when I drop a sac of flour.

"Yeah, but I am really clumsy. Sorry I can't be a better help."

"Don't mind. At least you want to be with me."

"No problem. I am glad you appreciate my company," I say. Peeta smiles, but does not respond immediately. He looks at me in a weird way, and after a few second, he asks, "Do you think people would miss us?"

Alright, strange question. How should I react to that?

"There is always someone who will miss you, I think," I say. But then I start to wonder... Is that really true?

"Would you miss me?" Peeta asks.

"But, you are right here!"

"I mean, if I had died, back there – at the Capitol. Would you miss me?"

What a question? Of course I would have missed him. He was the only company I had!

"Of course I would. You were the only one who still cared about me!"

"Yes, you would miss me then, but imagine – if I should die right now. Would you miss me?"

Man, that's a hard one. In fact, I don't even now for sure. I guess I would miss the little chats I have with him. I would miss him because he is the only one who understands about what I've been through. Because he was there with me. But what if Peeta would have never been there? Would I miss him then?

"Honestly? I don't know if I would miss you. I guess so, but it's hard to tell," I say. Peeta nods silently.

"But I am sure someone would be missing you," I add.

"Who?"

Dham. I can only think about one person who would almost die when Peeta would no longer be here. But I don't dare to say her name out loud.

"Eh …"

Peeta shakes his head in disappointment, "I am just useless. What am I even doing here? You can't even think about someone who would have a hard time living without me."

The sound of his pained voice really hurts my feeling.

"No! That's not true!" I say, and suddenly I am convinced of what I said before. There will always be someone who misses you, there must be!

"I would miss you, in some way. Because I can talk to you like I can not talk to anyone else. And … Haymitch! He would feel so guilty if you die. He feels responsible for you. And ..." I hesitate. Should I say it? I look Peeta in the eye. "I know you do not want to hear it, but the person who would miss you the most is ..."

"Katniss," Peeta finishes, "I know."

Those words hit me like a bullet. So he knows Katniss cares about him like she cares about no one else – except for her family maybe?

"If you know, why do you hate her?" I ask carefully.

"I don't hate her at all. Not now," he says quietly.

"Not now? But at other moments you do?"

"I do, sometimes. I do not want to, I really don't. But when I try to think about her and about the good times we shared, everything suddenly slips away. It's like holding water with your bare hands. You can remember for about a second and afterward, everything becomes one big hole in my memory. A hole that is filled with fake memories. I can distinguish some fake memories from the real ones, but not all of them. That's what makes me angry, what makes me loose control. Not because I really hate her, but because I feel like I should hate her – because the fake memories tell me to. And I don't know why... It's hard to explain," he says. I drop my eyes. That must be hard. I can't imagine how I should deal with it. Maybe it's not so weird for him to loose control from time to time.

After a few minutes of silence, Peeta says, "Just so you know, I would miss you too – if you were gone." I look up at him, affected by what he just said.

"You might be the only one who would," I say. Peeta does not respond, but goes back to work. I look at him as he is kneading.

"I feel guilty," Peeta says suddenly.

"Why?"

"All those people in the arena, the ones we killed. There must be people that miss them too. And that's my fault," he says.

"No, it's Snows fault, it's their fault. They forced us to kill the others. It was not out own choice," I say.

"No, not true. We had a choice. We could have died, instead of them," Peeta says.

I never thought about it that way. But I can not deny that what he says is true. If I had just accepted my fate and died out there in the arena, I would not be here. I would not have to suffer the way I do now. My victory only brought me misery. I fought and killed only so I could return home. But there was no home to return to. Everything changed. My sister was disgusted, she hated me after I came back. Because I was a murdered, because I killed innocent people. My brother and father understood, as they were older. But they never looked at me the same way they did before. They never hugged me the way they used to. I hated it, the way they treated me – although I understood. I took my distance, I left them alone. Months after my victory, I regretted that more than everything else. Because after they were gone, I would have given up everything to see their disgusted faces again. But they were gone, killed – because I won. Everything that happened to me, did happen because I wanted to live. Actually, when I think about it, I never really lived again since the day I was crowned a victor. My old self died at the arena, and is buried along with all those people I killed.

"Sometimes," I whisper, "I wish I was killed the moment I stepped of that plate, at the start of the Games. It would have been better, for everyone."

Peeta nods, "I never wanted to kill. I didn't even kill so many people, I even killed someone by accident. Every night, when I go to sleep, I say a silent prayer for them. To tell them I am sorry. I miss them too, you know. In some sort of way."

I do too, I think. I miss them too, the ones I killed. Because some of them were my friend, my allies.

I sigh, "You know Peeta, you should not feel as bad as I do. I was far worse - at the arena . The people I killed... I … I killed people dear to me. Aya, the girl from district 9, who formed a team with me and Dashan from 11 – she was my friend. She helped me out when I most needed someone. We were walking around, looking for shelter. At the arena we fought in, there was a church. We hid there, Dashan, Aya and I. Both of them knew I wasn't such I nice girl as I pretended to be, but they didn't care. We actually had a good time, despite the situation. I laughed with them, shared stories about our homes. I liked them... One morning, I woke up after a long night of sleep. Dashan had died, and I did not know why. I suspected Aya, my friend. In a rage, I killed her. Because she took my friend, or so I believed. Afterward, I found out that Dashan was killed by a snake bite. I never forgave myself for what I did. I personally murdered the last friend I ever had..."

"That's hard," Peeta says.

"I hate myself about it, and about all the innocent kids I killed after Aya," I confess.

"The Games are rotten, Johanna. It's like you said – we were only puppets of the Capitol. We did as they wished. But I just wish I would have remained myself. I could not show the Capitol they did not own me. I failed..."

"Me too, but we can make it right. Sort of. We bring the Capitol down! Our victory was not in vain. We can still do something! It won't bring our loved ones back, but we can show the world we are still Johanna and Peeta – from District 7 and 12. We are not just two traitors, or murderers! We are going to become ourselves again!"

"Do you believe I can be normal again?" Peeta asks.

I don't know for sure, but right now, I really wanna believe he can. No – he must. We can not let the Capitol win. They must never get the opportunity to hurt us again.

"I do, Peeta, and I'll try to help you. Either that, or die trying."

**Hey guys,**

**wow it's late here, but I really wanted to finish this chapter! It's probably full of errors, but I post it for now. I'll take another look at it tomorrow (at a more decent hour). **

**I hope you like it a bit. Sorry if there are a bit continuity errors (I messed up things I guess, about the wedding date and the start of Katniss' and Johanna's training sessions), but it's kind of hard to stick to the book. I hope you forgive me. Anyway, thanks for the remarks and for reading. I'll try to correct my mistakes as soon as possible (you can also put comments about my spelling and grammar in the review section).**

**Sweet dreams**

**Ellyn**


	20. Conversation with the bride

**Hey everyone,**

**I know it's been a VERY long time since I updated, and I am sorry about that. It's been so busy for my and I also had a no inspiration at all. So here is a new short chapter, I hope you'll like it (a bit). I hope to update more often in the future, but just like I always say, I won't make any promises.**

**Ellyn**

While I hide myself in a dark corner of the room, I watch her. How she dances, how she moves, how she laughs … And I hate the way she does all those things, because she does not deserve to be happy. I spit on the ground and growl impatiently. Why can't they escort me back to my room? I did not want to join these people, 'cause I don't need a feast and certainly not when shé is around. All I need is a bed, so I can sleep – get away from here by escaping into my dreamworld. Not that life seems much better when you're dreaming, but unlike life, dreams aren't real.

'Enjoying yourself?" a tinkling voice asks me. I look up, straight into the eyes of Annie Cresta. I got to admit she looks beautiful tonight. Not because of the fancy dress she is wearing, or because of the flowers in her hands… Annie looks stunning because she seems genuinely happy.

"I've been to better parties, I do not enjoy the company here," I nod at hér. Annies smile fades slowly as she turns around and notices that I was indicating Katniss. "Oh" is all she says and her expression makes me feel guilty.

"But don't worry about me, this is your day! I mean … of the both of you. You and Finnick," I give her a gentle look in an attempt to make her forget my remark about Katniss.

"Weddings aren't that special," she mutters, "but I hoped everyone would have a good time. It's been too long you see – parties, candles, flowers, cakes … Ever since the –" her voice fades away, and she gives me a meaningful look. I know what she means. Ever since the games, we had no reason to party or to be happy. I decide not to talk about it, so instead I ask: "Why don't you think weddings are special?"

Annie shrugs: "I mean, this should be the happiest day of my life, but … A wedding is just a feast, with people laughing and shouting and making promises to each other, although they will never keep them. 'I will always be there for you', phu. You can't always be there for anyone. For me, this day is only special because it means Finnick and I are together. That's the only thing special about it."

When Annie talks, my amazement grows. She looks so happy, but now she tells me she is just pretending to be? "So, you're not happy today?"

"Of course I am," Annie replies.

"But you just said-"

"No, you don't get what I mean. Let me explain it to you. I don't think this day is so special because it's my wedding day, or because of the feast and the cake. It's special because I am together with the people I like. But tomorrow, they will be here too, and the day after that they will still be at my side. So I don't see why people call their wedding day the happiest day of their life. For me, every day with Finnick is a happy day."

"I see."

"I just wonder how long it last."

"What? How long what will last?"

"All this, being together. I hear them whisper, Coin, Haymitch and the others. They're planning to leave," Annie shakes her head silently, "And when they do, Finnick will go with them and my happy days will be over."

"Are you sure about that? When Finnick comes back, you will be together again, won't you? You'll live a hundred or maybe thousands of wonderful days after his return."

"That's the point, I don't believe they will come back once they are gone. You've been there to: in the arena, in de prison cells beneath the Capitol. You know who they are, what they do." Annie sniffs and a tear rolls down her cheek.

A reach out to her, and catch her tear with my finger. "Yes, we have been there, but we came back," I whisper.

"So?"

"So Finnick can come back too, just like we did. He's a fighter, he won't leave you behind. I don't believe him to be able to abandon you."

Suddenly, Annie hugs me and I don't really know what to do, and when she let's go, she looks at me, her eyes filled with tears.

"Thank you for your kind words. But you forgot something, Peeta Mellark. Not you, nor me came back, not really. I feel I lost something, back there. Don't you feel the same? You are no longer you and I am no longer me. We are just ghost, bleak images of what we once were.  
I really enjoyed talking to you, thank you."

After those words, she turns around and walks away from me, leaving me startled. As I watch her go, she straightens her back and puts up a brave smile, pretending like our conversation never took place.

I can't help to admire the courage of that fragile little girl, but at the same time I realize that she, like every single person in this room, seems to have ghost that will haunt her for the rest of her days. It's not nice to say, but that realization makes me feel not so alone anymore and that's the reason why I make a decision.

It's time for me return and retrieve every piece of myself that I left at the Capitol.


End file.
